if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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