Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize