What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
