Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
