the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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