My first STD was from a foam party
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize