The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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