I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
