using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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