Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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