I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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