he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize