Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
