Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
