new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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