Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
