She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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