Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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