He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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