How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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