I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
