Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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