Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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