I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
