just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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