Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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