they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
