the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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