WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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