He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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