apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
