my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize