I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
