I'm lost and stupid without you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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