Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
