it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize