I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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