I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
