My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
