I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
