he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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