i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
