Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize