Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
well you can't waste a boner
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
