Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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