I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
