fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
