You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
