I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My ATM looks so different sober.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
