weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
