you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
how drunk are you?
Several
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
