The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm really busy with my period
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