I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
