the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
