so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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