And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
a search helicopter?!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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