You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
