tell your sister to shave her snatch
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
