I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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