real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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