i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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