ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
