how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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