I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
