i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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