plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize