There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize