I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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