I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just gargled with NyQuil
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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