Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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