i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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