you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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