So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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